Nicola (jewels) wrote in whatwouldyoudo,
Nicola
jewels
whatwouldyoudo

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I'm experiencing a bit of a dilemma in the love department. I'm 17, in my last year of high school. In October, I went on a school-organised week-long trip to Italy. While I was there, I met someone special, James. Well, I say 'met' - we hardly spoke, we just spent the entire duration of the week giving each other shy little glances, then looking quickly away when our eyes met. We're both ridiculously shy. So, like I said, we hardly spoke. However, I'm in no doubt that he feels the same way about me that I do about him - I could list the proof but I'd go all gooey.

So yes, the shy glances and tangiable chemistry when we pass each other in the halls have been going on since October (that's 5 months). I haven't had a chance to ask him out because he's always with his friends, and besides, I'm too scared - I know my words will come out wrong and I won't be able to look anywhere else but my feet. The awful thing is, I'm 99% sure that if I asked him out he'd say yes, I just can't bring myself to do it. When he's close, half of me wants to stay in his company because I enjoy being near him, and half of me wants to get the hell out of there before I say/do something stupid.

I've been asked out several times by other guys since my crush began (yes, I accept that it's a silly little school girl crush, and I'm fully aware of how pathetic I sound). Each time, I've said no, even though the guys who have asked me have been perfectly decent people, and under normal circumstances I wouldn't hesitate to date them. For all this time I've held hope that I might get together with James. I haven't felt ready to give up hope.

Until now. I'm beginning to realise that it might never happen, James and I might never get together. There's a new guy on the scene, Ben. We get along really well (yes, we actually converse with one another, what a novel idea!) and I have it on good authority that he likes me. He's smart, doesn't do drugs, doesn't skip school (sadly the last two things can't be said of James - but I know that he's a good person at heart). And yes, I like Ben too. I don't feel unsteady and dizzy whenever I'm in the same room as him. I can talk to him without going bright red. Maybe this is good thing, I'm not sure. Maybe going out with someone else would help me get over James.

But I can't imagine any point in the future when I wouldn't feel crushed if I saw James with another girl.

So, what should I do? Should I carry on with my crushing? Or should I start seeing Ben?

Argh. That was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Thanks for sticking it out! Hope it's entertaining reading about other people's woes, lol. Even if no one has any words of wisdom, writing all of this down was cathartic.
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