...and she felt like pulling the [trigger] (brokenbarbdoll) wrote in whatwouldyoudo,
...and she felt like pulling the [trigger]


I guess its about time I update about last night. Blah, I`ve been thinking about it for a while now.

Okay, well...

Shana and I decieded to go swimming yesterday, except, we never really went swimming. We picked her up at the church and then went to her sisters house, got the key to the little private pool place, and went there to wait for deejay. Then... we decided to go shoot pool, or whatever. So, uh, we go to McDonalds, and then to Andreas to tell her we were going to go. From there it was Pat, DeeJay, Shana, and I... so we go, get our table, and everyone shows up a little later on. Brittany and Kelly show up later too. Well, I thought Donny and Chris were going to come too, but they didn`t... because Donny had to go get his friends back or something in Hearne. I don`t know, he didn`t tell me exactly what he was going to do, and its not like I really need to know, its not my business or anything... but, I tell Chris and Donny to leave the door open, incase we wanna go back to their house and chill for a while... but, somehow lots of unwated drama started to happen while shooting pool... because Andrea didnt want Shana leaving with DeeJay by herself... and yadda yadda yadda. Plus, I think Shana wanted him gone too, so uh, she acted like she was crying, and then we left. In the parking lot, haha, Shana was like... catchin a tude' with him. It was funny as hell, I didn`t want to laugh. He kept saying her name wrong like Sheena or something, and she was like "Its Shana" lmfao. It was great... you would have had to be there though. So, uh, Brittany, Kelly, Shana, and I leave, and Kelly, Shana, and I go back to Andreas house... and when we are fixing to turn off of Hwy 21, we saw that the dude DeeJay was following us... so we`re like What the fuck? Well, we go to her house and we all get inside and Brittany leaves, then uh, Brittany calls? or we call Brittany? I`m not sure which one it was... and she tells us that DeeJay is now following her. So, we`re all like what the fuck!!! well, I was going to tell Donny and Chris to go beat his ass when they got home, but they got home after Brittany finally made it to her house. Shana called DeeJay when Brittany was on the phone, and he said he was at the gas station on Hwy 21 by Andreas house? Who knows. But, just knowing he followed us HOME, makes me dislike him even more.

Donny and Chris finally show up, and we put in War of the Buttons... while trying to find someone to take us back out to the church, Donny and Chris couldnt because their cars//trucks are too small, and plus they had both been drinking. So, finally they get Agfu to come... and while they were on the cell phone with him, Amanda called and told me to tell Chris and Donny to get up to her work because some guy was up there and wouldn`t leave her alone. So, Chris and Donny jump up, and I was like "I wanna go!!!" so, I left with Donny and Chris to see what was going on. I guess Agfu picked Shana and Kelly up, because when we got back they were gone. Well, on the way to her work... I couldn`t stop laughing because Chris and Donny put on some music and started dancing, putting their legs out the window and all this other crazy shit... it was funny. But, when we got there, there was this black guy... BIG black old guy, standing there just watching Amanda clean up. Donny busted in the store and was like "When the fuck you close this store?" and Chris just kinda stood there looking at the old guy. Donny and I took all the trash out and everything so we could get out of there faster, and Chris stood up front to watch the guy. Well, Amanda introduced Chris to him, and she said "This is my husband Chris' and right after she said that, he took off. HAHA. I would have been scared too... Amanda said she found out he was a sex offender too. Thats scary... and he gave her his NUMBER. Umm okay? What the fuck? Don`t do that. Thats uncool. Donny was going to take it and prank call it, but he didn`t.

Well, when we got back to the house... Ben and Mike and everyone else was there dropping Andrea off before they went to drop everyone else off... and, I got out of the car, and Donny was getting into it with this boy in the back of bens truck... at first I thought they were just playing, but I walked up there, and I could tell Donny was pissed off... he kept telling the guy to get out of the truck, and the guy wouldn`t... and I was like "Stop Donny! Just come on..." trying to get him to just walk away from it. Then, Jerry, the dudes brother stepped outta the truck... and started talking shit to Donny, and everyone was holding Jerry back, telling him to get in the truck again... no one was holding Donny back except me, because they all knew he could take them on and kick their ass, but I was, because thats just not cool. So, Donny and I went inside, and the dudes were like "We`ll be back, and I`ll cut all yall." and all this other bullshit. So, that was that... it took Donny a few minutes to cool down and everything.

Well, everyone went to bed finally, and Donny and I were going to stay up and watch a movie... well, we did infact watch it... but, after it was over. Things happened. No clothes came off or anything like that... but, touching and shit did... I didn`t really want to take it to that level yet... but I guess its too late now? I mean, no its not too late because I can talk to him about it and everything... but, I`m just... confused about it, or, I don`t know what I am about it. I just don`t want it to turn into a sexual relationship... not right now. I just wanna take it all slow, and day by day. There isn`t any sense in rushing into anything you know? and plus, if you fuck a guy once, he`ll think you`ll fuck him again... I`m just not ready to take it to that level... I`m really really trying to trust him, because I know I can, and I know I should... but with whats happened to me in the past with guys, its hard to. I know he would never do anything bad to me, but I`m just not over everything thats happened in the past... and I think, I really need to be over all that, before I take it a step further with anyone else... right? I mean, I know I`ll never be able to fully get over what happened... but, I can at least, really come to terms with it... and know that every guy isn`t like that. I KNOW every guy isn`t like that, but, everytime I get close ((physically)) with a guy, I just shut down, and back away... I don`t know. I trust Donny... I think. No, I know I do... but I`m just scared that maybe the past will repeat itself again... because I trusted TJ fully at the begining... and then, look what he did. You know? Who says that it wont happen that way? I shouldn`t think like that. But, I can`t help it.

Also, I want to tell my mom about Donny, except I don`t know how to. He is *3* years older than me. I know, thats really not bad at all... thats a lot better than 5, like with David. So, maybe she`ll be okay with it? I really hope so. But, if she is okay with that... I`m not sure... she`ll be okay... with him having a kid, because she will say that I don`t need to get involved, because I`ll end up raising it, because he could be a "dead beat dad" but, he isn`t. I`ve watched him with her, and he is so good with her... he really is. But, I don`t know how she will take that. I mean, if you really think about it, that should be ever MORE reason for her to respect him, because he IS TAKING CARE OF HER, and he is going to try and get full custody of her too. You know? That just shows that he is responsible and takes care of her... but, I just don`t know HOW she will react to that. You know?

So, do you think I should come out straight and tell her that he has a kid? or should I let her get to know him, and then... tell her? or should I let him bring her over when they first meet, so she knows straight up, and so she can see how he is with her? Or... what?
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