More than a year ago I met an awesome guy that I had so many things in common with. After being good friends for six months, we started going out and I was so happy. I had never met anyone so trustworthy and brilliant. However, throughout the past year, I’ve felt things deteriorate. I don’t really understand if this is normal in a relationship and we should just try and fix things up, or if we should just call it quits and stop kidding ourselves. Let me explain further:
My boyfriend is a wonderful person and I want him in my life regardless of whether he is my boyfriend or not, but after about three or four months of blissfully going out, I found that I couldn’t always love him. I would always feel it on and off. For a couple of weeks I would convince myself that it wasn’t working, but then something would happen and I’d be happy again until the next time I doubted it all. I’ve never had a relationship so special, so I really have nothing to compare it to. Is it normal to feel this way, or do I need to stop kidding myself and make a final decision to stay in or get out? This on and off feeling is really stressing me out, but if that’s part of a regular relationship, I don’t want to be a quitter.
There are also some things about him that I can no longer deal with as much as I did in the first place. To begin with, I really dislike his best friend. I’ve talked about this with his mother and she isn’t particularly fond of him either. My boyfriend only knows that she doesn’t like him and often to complains about it to me. He knows nothing about the way I feel because I know how he would react. I make a point of not being around his best friend because I don’t want to upset my boyfriend and create any unnecessary drama. I don’t expect him to choose between his best friend and myself, but I would like to let him know that I believe that his best friend is not good for him, and may even hurt him or be a major inconvenience to him as life goes on.
My boyfriend is a musician and I allow him to spend less time with me so he can practice. I want him to be happy, but lately I’ve just been feeling that he hasn’t been doing enough to contribute to this “dream career” of his. I don’t see him for days and when I ask him what he’s been doing, it sounds like he’s just been sitting around drinking and getting high with that freak-of-nature best friend of his. It makes me really upset because he’s very talented and my dad works in the music industry and could supply my him with endless contacts… but still, he doesn’t come up with anything. I just get the feeling that he’d be doing more with himself if his best friend would stop slowing him down.
I really can’t describe how I feel any more. I’m depressed because at the beginning, I thought I would always feel that way, and don’t know if I’ll ever find anyone else who I have so much in common with. He is so talented and special, but I don’t think I could stay with him if he kept going on like this. I feel myself changing and sometimes It seems like he’s slowing me down, but at the same time, I need him so much, and I don’t know what I’ll do without the little things he’s given me over the past year. I just want to make my mind up. I can’t bear to keep flip-flopping on this. It’s not fair on him.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? I’d really appreciate some input because this decision is proving to be one of the most painful and draining things I’ve had to do. Please help me.
(Cross-posted all over the shop.)